D'oh!

Recently, the big news in this town was that a Trader Joe's had opened here. It was in the newspaper, they interviewed people and asked them what they thought of Trader Joe's. People were giddy with joy over the opening of this store. The place was mobbed when it opened. Yah, whatever.

I have the day off while the girlfriend toils in the salt mine (the way it should be, look at nature, the male lions kick back while the females do all the work) so I decided to do some shopping. I went by Trader Joe's and, due to the chaotic nature of the area it is in, what I thought was the front of the store was the rear and the door said "Exit only, please come to the front of the store". So I drove around to the front and the first door I see says Exit Only. Further down I see this line of people waiting to get into Trader Joe's. Crap. No way am I waiting in a line to go into a grocery store, I tell myself as I drive away. Then I decide, what the heck, I've got nothing better to do, I'll wait in line. I whip the Ygolonacmobile in a quick huey and head back to the store.

I get in line. I have nothing better to do while waiting in line so I ponder things. I ponder upon the predominance of women in the line I'm in. Kind of odd. Maybe men just don't shop much. I ponder upon the predominance of non-white people in this line I'm in. I don't exaggerate when I say I'm the only white dude in this line. Kind of odd. Trader Joe's is supposed to be some sort of exotic food grocery store or something (I've never actually been inside one before). Maybe they sell some sort of imported ethnic product that nobody else sells and that's why there are so many Hispanic people in line. (Hopefully I'm not being terribly racist when I ponder that). I ponder upon the Salvation Army truck that is parked up near the front of the line. What's that all about? Maybe Trader Joe's is doing some sort of charity event to generate good will and press since they are new in town and it's the Holidays and all.

As I stand and wait and ponder I eventually deduce that all this just isn't adding up correctly. I decide to take the extraordinary step of initiating contact with another person in line. I know it's against all the rules, but my brain has cranked up the "You're a DUMBASS" warning level to Code Yellow. I suspect I'm in very real danger of looking like an idiot. Something must be done.

I tap the woman on the back and try to look non-intimidating.
"Is there something special going on to cause this line?" is my initial query.
"You need a card" she replies (a mite sullenly, I might add, though that might just be my perception)
"You need a card to get into Trader Joe's?" I ask, thinking it is odd that nobody told me this before.
The woman looks at me with an expression of disgust as my "You're a DUMBASS" warning level goes Code Red with sirens.
"This line is for the Salvation Army"
I give an eyeroll and leave the line. As I walk towards the front I see that what I thought was the entrance to TJ is actually a usually vacant storefront that is being used to temporarily dispense Christmas Cheer to those less fortunate. Ahead of me I can see the actual entrance to Trader Joe's. There is no line. I am pretty sure that I hear some snickering behind me. I silently vow to never give any money to those Salvation Army bellringers again. That will teach those sniggering malcontents not to mock my stupidity!

In the end, Trader Joe's was just another grocery store, a bit more frou frou and yuppified than others, I suppose. I'm certainly glad I didn't wait in line for it, too long.

D'oh!

Recently, the big news in this town was that a Trader Joe's had opened here. It was in the newspaper, they interviewed people and asked them what they thought of Trader Joe's. People were giddy with joy over the opening of this store. The place was mobbed when it opened. Yah, whatever.

I have the day off while the girlfriend toils in the salt mine (the way it should be, look at nature, the male lions kick back while the females do all the work) so I decided to do some shopping. I went by Trader Joe's and, due to the chaotic nature of the area it is in, what I thought was the front of the store was the rear and the door said "Exit only, please come to the front of the store". So I drove around to the front and the first door I see says Exit Only. Further down I see this line of people waiting to get into Trader Joe's. Crap. No way am I waiting in a line to go into a grocery store, I tell myself as I drive away. Then I decide, what the heck, I've got nothing better to do, I'll wait in line. I whip the Ygolonacmobile in a quick huey and head back to the store.

I get in line. I have nothing better to do while waiting in line so I ponder things. I ponder upon the predominance of women in the line I'm in. Kind of odd. Maybe men just don't shop much. I ponder upon the predominance of non-white people in this line I'm in. I don't exaggerate when I say I'm the only white dude in this line. Kind of odd. Trader Joe's is supposed to be some sort of exotic food grocery store or something (I've never actually been inside one before). Maybe they sell some sort of imported ethnic product that nobody else sells and that's why there are so many Hispanic people in line. (Hopefully I'm not being terribly racist when I ponder that). I ponder upon the Salvation Army truck that is parked up near the front of the line. What's that all about? Maybe Trader Joe's is doing some sort of charity event to generate good will and press since they are new in town and it's the Holidays and all.

As I stand and wait and ponder I eventually deduce that all this just isn't adding up correctly. I decide to take the extraordinary step of initiating contact with another person in line. I know it's against all the rules, but my brain has cranked up the "You're a DUMBASS" warning level to Code Yellow. I suspect I'm in very real danger of looking like an idiot. Something must be done.

I tap the woman on the back and try to look non-intimidating.
"Is there something special going on to cause this line?" is my initial query.
"You need a card" she replies (a mite sullenly, I might add, though that might just be my perception)
"You need a card to get into Trader Joe's?" I ask, thinking it is odd that nobody told me this before.
The woman looks at me with an expression of disgust as my "You're a DUMBASS" warning level goes Code Red with sirens.
"This line is for the Salvation Army"
I give an eyeroll and leave the line. As I walk towards the front I see that what I thought was the entrance to TJ is actually a usually vacant storefront that is being used to temporarily dispense Christmas Cheer to those less fortunate. Ahead of me I can see the actual entrance to Trader Joe's. There is no line. I am pretty sure that I hear some snickering behind me. I silently vow to never give any money to those Salvation Army bellringers again. That will teach those sniggering malcontents not to mock my stupidity!

In the end, Trader Joe's was just another grocery store, a bit more frou frou and yuppified than others, I suppose. I'm certainly glad I didn't wait in line for it, too long.