Absolution!

Since I hit puberty I've been 'fighting the battle of the bulge', to put it nicely.
You know what I'm saying. I've got big bones. I'm chunky. I'm hefty.

I try to hang out with even bigger guys, you know what I mean?

It's been a burden, but now, I feel light as a feather. Science has come to my rescue. It seems that scientists have discovered that obesity can be caused by a virus.

Halleluljah! It's not my fault! I am not to blame! I'm sick! I've got a fucking condition, man! I should be on Oprah, bemoaning our society's inability to accept people with my medical problem. Then, after we've had a good cry together (she's got the virus too, you see), she'd pat me on the shoulder and tell me that she was giving me a new car to help make me feel better.

You bastard, how dare you call me a fat-ass? I'm SICK, mother fucker!!! Do you kick crippled kids too? You probably go to the Special Olympics to heckle, don't you?

Why, oh why can't people have more compassion for the ill?

Oops, doorbell, that must be my pizza, gotta go...

Absolution!

Since I hit puberty I've been 'fighting the battle of the bulge', to put it nicely.
You know what I'm saying. I've got big bones. I'm chunky. I'm hefty.

I try to hang out with even bigger guys, you know what I mean?

It's been a burden, but now, I feel light as a feather. Science has come to my rescue. It seems that scientists have discovered that obesity can be caused by a virus.

Halleluljah! It's not my fault! I am not to blame! I'm sick! I've got a fucking condition, man! I should be on Oprah, bemoaning our society's inability to accept people with my medical problem. Then, after we've had a good cry together (she's got the virus too, you see), she'd pat me on the shoulder and tell me that she was giving me a new car to help make me feel better.

You bastard, how dare you call me a fat-ass? I'm SICK, mother fucker!!! Do you kick crippled kids too? You probably go to the Special Olympics to heckle, don't you?

Why, oh why can't people have more compassion for the ill?

Oops, doorbell, that must be my pizza, gotta go...

Brokeback Mountain joke

I get together with my 'posse' every other friday and we play poker. If you are a regular reader of my 'blog' you will be recall I've mentioned our poker games before.

We sit around and drink beer and tell jokes and make fun of each other. It's very un-politically correct also. Or would that be politically un-correct? We aren't as bad as the tv show Family Guy but we are pretty crude.

Last time we played the theme of the night, somehow, became Brokeback Mountain and gay cowboys in general. The gay cowboy double entendres were zinging all over the place, all night. At one point I realized that I knew an actual gay cowboy joke and I had to tell it to everybody.

It went over pretty well and now, I pass it on to you.

( Don't click here if you are culturally sensitive )

On a related note, the local paper runs a little column written by a married couple who review movies. They went and saw Brokeback Mountain and reviewed it and the guy (whose family, apparently, raise cattle and consider themselves 'cowboys') had to make sure to comment that the gay guys in Brokeback Mountain were actually sheep herders and not real cowboys. I kid you not.

Brokeback Mountain joke

I get together with my 'posse' every other friday and we play poker. If you are a regular reader of my 'blog' you will be recall I've mentioned our poker games before.

We sit around and drink beer and tell jokes and make fun of each other. It's very un-politically correct also. Or would that be politically un-correct? We aren't as bad as the tv show Family Guy but we are pretty crude.

Last time we played the theme of the night, somehow, became Brokeback Mountain and gay cowboys in general. The gay cowboy double entendres were zinging all over the place, all night. At one point I realized that I knew an actual gay cowboy joke and I had to tell it to everybody.

It went over pretty well and now, I pass it on to you.

( Don't click here if you are culturally sensitive )

On a related note, the local paper runs a little column written by a married couple who review movies. They went and saw Brokeback Mountain and reviewed it and the guy (whose family, apparently, raise cattle and consider themselves 'cowboys') had to make sure to comment that the gay guys in Brokeback Mountain were actually sheep herders and not real cowboys. I kid you not.