Costco

Last Friday the Costco near our house opened it's new building. The new building was right next to the old building, but it's bigger (so they say). The old building is to be torn down and paved over. The part not used for a gas station will be added to the parking lot.

On a good day, when I go to Costco, I leave pissed off. Something about that store, I think it's the free food samples, makes the stupid in people rise to the top.

I knew that with the Grand Opening being on Friday that Saturday would be a bad day to go to Costco, but I went anyway.

So, I got nobody to blame but myself. Luckily, I don't go around armed.

First off, I should have knows better because there was almost no parking available. People had resorted to driving their SUVs up onto the planter dividing strips in the parking lot (At least they now feel justified in owning that 4WD vehicle).

I found a spot to park about a half mile away from the entrance. I should have just walked from my house, it might have been closer.

I grabbed my shiny new shopping cart, screwed my courage to the sticking-place and ventured within.

OMG!

I think Walmart sent them. Midget Marine Force Recon scouts, masquerading as kids, sending in coordinates to senior citizen ex-special forces types, dressed in the super secret 'mall' camouflage pattern. They then positioned their shopping carts in these strategically important choke points.

We had lines 8 shopping carts long, waiting for somebody to get their free chunk of bolonga from one of the people handing out free samples at the end of every aisle. And like I said, they never, even, parked their cart off to the side to allow others to pass. Nope. Sideways, middle of the lane. Then position themselves on the sides to make sure it was all blocked.

If looks could kill, there would be some dead mofos in Costco that day.

I actually did a ramming maneuver with my shopping cart. It was either that or suffer a stroke. I knew my blood pressure tachometer was tapping into the red and I had to do something, so I just pushed forward. The cart was empty, but some little girl made an abortive grab at it. She got her hand on the side and then saw my eyes. She let go of the cart like it was hot and then hid behind her mommy.

I saw somebody I used to work with and was tempted to ram him too, leave him bleeding and moaning next to the 5 gallon buckets of mayo, but pity stayed my hand. Pity I didn't have room to get a running start on the bastard.

When I finally got to the checkout area, there was hardly no line. Hardly nobody was there to shop. They just wanted the free food.

I saw Costco employees in the lines to get free food. I was tempted to ask the lady at the pharmacy if she was giving out free samples, and if so, I'd take something with a calming effect.

Costco

Last Friday the Costco near our house opened it's new building. The new building was right next to the old building, but it's bigger (so they say). The old building is to be torn down and paved over. The part not used for a gas station will be added to the parking lot.

On a good day, when I go to Costco, I leave pissed off. Something about that store, I think it's the free food samples, makes the stupid in people rise to the top.

I knew that with the Grand Opening being on Friday that Saturday would be a bad day to go to Costco, but I went anyway.

So, I got nobody to blame but myself. Luckily, I don't go around armed.

First off, I should have knows better because there was almost no parking available. People had resorted to driving their SUVs up onto the planter dividing strips in the parking lot (At least they now feel justified in owning that 4WD vehicle).

I found a spot to park about a half mile away from the entrance. I should have just walked from my house, it might have been closer.

I grabbed my shiny new shopping cart, screwed my courage to the sticking-place and ventured within.

OMG!

I think Walmart sent them. Midget Marine Force Recon scouts, masquerading as kids, sending in coordinates to senior citizen ex-special forces types, dressed in the super secret 'mall' camouflage pattern. They then positioned their shopping carts in these strategically important choke points.

We had lines 8 shopping carts long, waiting for somebody to get their free chunk of bolonga from one of the people handing out free samples at the end of every aisle. And like I said, they never, even, parked their cart off to the side to allow others to pass. Nope. Sideways, middle of the lane. Then position themselves on the sides to make sure it was all blocked.

If looks could kill, there would be some dead mofos in Costco that day.

I actually did a ramming maneuver with my shopping cart. It was either that or suffer a stroke. I knew my blood pressure tachometer was tapping into the red and I had to do something, so I just pushed forward. The cart was empty, but some little girl made an abortive grab at it. She got her hand on the side and then saw my eyes. She let go of the cart like it was hot and then hid behind her mommy.

I saw somebody I used to work with and was tempted to ram him too, leave him bleeding and moaning next to the 5 gallon buckets of mayo, but pity stayed my hand. Pity I didn't have room to get a running start on the bastard.

When I finally got to the checkout area, there was hardly no line. Hardly nobody was there to shop. They just wanted the free food.

I saw Costco employees in the lines to get free food. I was tempted to ask the lady at the pharmacy if she was giving out free samples, and if so, I'd take something with a calming effect.